The Turbanator

Brotherhood - A Tale of 6 Fingers - Part 1
2005-03-18 // 1:05 a.m.

On September 8 1984, at 1.07 a.m., a gasp of breath and the virgin screams of an infant boy ushered in new life into this world. Smiles of relief and joy creeped into the faces of those fortunate enough to witness this blessed moment. The operating theatre was filled with beaming faces of the hospital staff and words of congratulations were generously exchanged. That was not all, though. Some guy could be heard screaming in delirious ecstasy. Yes. The excitement of being a father for the first time was definitely hard to comprehend. On any given day in the streets, the father would definitely be mistaken for a lunatic, but today was his day, and the father sure made it seem that way. The mother laid unconscious on the operating table, having passed out from sheer exhaustion. The baby, well, it was still bawling its lungs out, but it sure was glad as hell to have come out into this new world.

As the father carried his son for the first time, he observed the little face of his offspring. The same brown eyes that they share and unmistakable trademark button-like nose of his mother. Alas, all was not well. The father held the little boy's hand in his, and to his horror, he realised that his son had an extra digit. Yes. His son whom he thought was perfect was born with carpenter's syndrome. Beside the right thumb of a normal baby boy was another thumb, a smaller crude looking version of the original. As soon as everyone in the room realised what was going on, the room fell into deafening silence with everyone focusing on the baby's extra digit. The father's joy had turned into utter disbelief in a split second. He could only gape at the doctor in shock. A rude shock for a new father, but today's story is not about the little boy, but the six fingers and the remarkable journey that they will embark on. Well. Sort of.

Let's call the boy Sam. Sam's right hand fingers had names too. Let's name them after the original power rangers. The thumb was called Trini (Yellow Ranger), the index finger was called Billy (Blue Ranger), the middle finger was called Jason (Red Ranger), the ring finger was called Kimberly (Pink Ranger) and the little finger was called Zack (Black Ranger). The extra little thumb was called Tommy (White Ranger). This names were not given without reason. Let me explain. Let's start with Trini. Being the nice Chinese Yellow Ranger that she is, she never failed to give a thumbs up to a good round of Para Para at the arcade or after a satisfying meal of hokkien mee accompanied by a glass of tiger beer (Ah Bengs swear in hokkien thus they like hokkien mee and they're extremely patriotic to the point of being dumb). Billy being the brains and the smartest was the navigator, pointing out any potential rival gang members or hot ah lians to *choot choot* (the kissing sound that Ah Bengs make). Jason was the leader of the pack of 6. He was the bravest and accomplished any mission without any fear. Often, Sam (the boy, remember?) would use Jason against rival gang members, flashing Jason like a trigger happy gunman. As a result, Jason can be considered as the catalyst of most conflicts between the rival gangs. But being the leader that he is, bravery does not come without a price. Jason has gotten injured one too many times and is now slightly bent (Sam always shows the middle finger to rival gang members and sometimes, when the rival gang members are close enough, they grab Jason and twist him). But being the leader is not as glamorous as it seems. Well. Let's just say Jason has gone where the sun don't shine. Heh. I'll leave that to your imagination. Kimberly, being the prettiest of the lot and representing feminity, is the ring finger. She's like the flower vase of the group, and rarely does much, except to show off her "Perlini's Silver" ring when Sam (the boy lar! remember remember!) gets attached to another "Chao Ah Lian". Zack, being the black and nigga ranger, is the little finger. He too goes where the sun don't shine, but more often than Jason. Yes. Being the nigga, you get all the shit. And I do mean all the shit. Nose shit and ear shit you name it, you get it. Sam uses Zack to dig his nose, his ear and probably his teeth too. Well, why else do u think Sam keeps his little finger nail long? Tommy is the extra digit. Why's he called Tommy? Well. That's because like the white ranger, he's kind of the outcast of the group. He's never been able to fit in as a result of his queer looks, and besides, he was never meant to be there in the first place. Furthermore, he is also the cause of many conflicts as fights usually occur when other Ah Bengs make fun of Tommy's looks. Not that the rest of the fingers do ostracize him, but Tommy has an inferiority complex and often feels useless. This cannot be blamed too as Sam NEVER uses Tommy if possible. The only action Tommy ever gets is when Sam wipes his ass after shitting and shit gets onto Tommy. However, Tommy is in for a surprise as his destiny is soon about to change, and never would he imagine that he would soon be a hero, and the new leader of the Brotherhood of 6.

To be continued...... Oh! And if you haven't realised, Sam is an Ah Beng! Moron!